new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
