Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize