Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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