Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
