So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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