So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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