Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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