Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize