I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
