he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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