I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
