so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i think i just lost a toe
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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