I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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