Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
