I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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