on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
