I am puke
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
