Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
