don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it because I queefed?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
