Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays