Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
