some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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