this will be a night to untag.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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