she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
