Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
