I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
