you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
