mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she peed on how many people?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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