she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
