I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
