she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
