I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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