summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
