you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
birth control should be required to get into college
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
