he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
