No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
