i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
