please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
