Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
