Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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