In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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