when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
