Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
