am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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