so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
