FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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