Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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