i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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