How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she smelled like a LAN party
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
