So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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