Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Welp...herpes.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
