hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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