He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
