Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
