wakey wakey hands off snakey
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
