My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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