I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Even my vagina gasped.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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