I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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