i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i think i have herpe
just one?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
