I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
