My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Congratulations! We have a period
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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