you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
