is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
