I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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