You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
