Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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