You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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