i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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