When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
