you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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