You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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