I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
