There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
