they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
