this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
