Yo dont text me then not text me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
