My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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