Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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