New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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