I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize